Wraptitude: burgers, wraps and coffee

Originally appeared on Advocate Online, January 29, 2015
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I don’t know what Wraptitude is. The joint is a play on words about its wraps; however, the drive-through is mainly for its coffee and the burgers are better than the wraps – at least the one I had. Wraptitude is a winter sports-themed restaurant recommended by The Advocate writer Adam Elwell. It is located in the misty hills of Welches, near the (real) Mount Hood. While a bit of a drive, I personally think that the place is worth the trip. If you find yourself with nothing to do and are looking for a nice solid meal and a scenic drive, Wraptitude would be perfect.

Given that the interior looks like your standard ski lodge restaurant and its claim to fame is burgers and wraps, I didn’t expect that much, but I was wrong. The ingredients used are all-natural and you can tell – the menu is simple quality. I had the Big Kahuna burger and The Santa Fe wrap. The Big Kahuna is a beef patty with swiss cheese, ham, pineapple and teriyaki sauce. This burger alone is worth the trip. Each ingredient added to the experience and was of great quality, including the buns.

The Santa Fe wrap was okay. I could see how this wrap would be the best thing life had to offer after a long day of skiing or snowboarding but as I had only been sitting in a passenger seat the previous 15 minutes it was okay, at best. The wrap tasted like someone had wrapped a nacho platter in a tortilla. Nothing wrong with that, but it was served cold and didn’t compare to the Big Kahuna.

The big surprise was the coffee. I ordered a shot of espresso which, for those of you who are familiar with coffee industry, is the base for any specialty coffee drink: mochas, lattes, cappuccinos, etc.. Nine times out of ten, when you order an espresso at a restaurant, what you get is the standard dry, bright, acidic, Italian roast shot.

Wraptitude was different.

The espresso seemed bold, dark and mild – most likely a high-quality bean from Colombia, maybe even Asia. Overall, Wraptitude did not let me down. The dishes average out at around ten bucks and they’re worth it. If you are ever near, by check it out. 4/5

For a burger joint with a drive-through, man, was it good. I think that’s the key to enjoying Wraptitude: just take it for what it is. If the thought of pineapple and teriyaki sauce on a burger scares you, then this probably isn’t for you. At the very least, though, if you consider yourself a self-respecting Pulp Fiction fan, you should eat here.

The atmosphere in the restaurant would definitely benefit from you acclimating yourself to the territory. Go on a hike, hit up Ski-Bowl, do what you have to justify eating a burger bigger than a brick, and then relax in a warm, cozy wood-paneled nest while you sip a cup of coffee with a kick.

That’s not to say it’s bad if you don’t. It’s a very inviting environment, but if “Fireball Fridays” makes you roll your eyes, maybe just go for lunch the next time you’re passing through.

If you need a better image, picture a just-got-trendy sports bar, and a roadside coffee stand. Now smash the two together, and ta-da: Wraptitude.

As for the actual burger, though, wow. The first thing you notice when you bite into one is the sheer amount of meat. So much I felt like a caveman who had just slaughtered an unsuspecting bovine creature. Except, cavemen don’t cook that well, and then – Oh, my god – is that pineapple? And it comes in a hot tub of teriyaki sauce, too. The real trick, though, is figuring out how to sever the line of melted swiss cheese between your mouth and the plate. Not that you would care at the moment – it’s sheer ecstasy.

I heard a quote the other day by Nora Ephron: “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.”

While this might be true at a chain coffee shop, it’s not true at Wraptitude. The menu is a feast for the eyes, and whatever your selection is, you probably picked it solely because it sounded delicious.

I want to say it was only a 4/5, and to be honest, they would probably be okay with that, but I won’t be surprised in the slightest if I have dreams about that burger. Soul food plus pineapples? I don’t know who is responsible for it, but I do know that they’re going to heaven, right next to whoever is responsible for Hawaiian pizza. 5/5

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